The Many Ways We Love: A Relationship Exploration Part III

This blog is part three of a three-part series accompanying videos (these can be found on our Instagram page here) intended to: part 1 - explore ethical non-monogamy, part 2 brief the history of non-monogamy, and part 3 - answer the question: who is happier…those in monogamous relationships or non-monogamous structures? I love relationships and am excited for the final part of this exploration!

Relationship structures, who is happier?…

When it comes to how people build relationships, there is an incredible diversity of styles and structures - far beyond what is often visible in mainstream culture. Relationships can be as diverse as the individuals and partners within them, which is a beautiful part of our complexities as humans.

In part one of this series, I shared an overview of ethical non-monogamy (ENM) as an umbrella term encompassing many ways of connecting with others. In part two, we explored the historical context of non-monogamy and how our relationship norms have evolved over time. For this finale, part 3…

Let’s discuss:

Who is Happier? Challenging Relationship Satisfaction Myths

Recently, I was listening to a podcast discussing relationship satisfaction in different structures, and it lit a fire under my ass. This topic is deeply tied to many cultural assumptions we carry about what makes a relationship “successful,” “healthy,” or “happy.”

One of the most common beliefs is that monogamy inherently leads to happier, healthier, and more stable relationships compared to non-monogamy. When discussing ethical non-monogamy, I often hear people say things like, “But don’t people in open relationships end up miserable?” or “Polyamorous people must always be jealous or overwhelmed.” These beliefs are understandable, given how monogamy is upheld as the ideal relationship structure in most cultures. But beliefs are not the same as data - and research paints a different picture.

What Does the Research Actually Say?

A 2025 meta-analysis published in The Journal of Sex Research by Anderson et al. explored the differences in relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction between people in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. This meta-analysis pooled results across numerous studies to evaluate patterns with a large sample size, increasing reliability.

Here were some key findings:

🔹 No Significant Differences – Overall, the researchers found no significant differences in relationship satisfaction or sexual satisfaction between monogamous and non-monogamous participants. People were just as likely to report fulfilling, connected, and satisfying relationships in either structure.

🔹 Across Diverse Groups – These results held true for both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ individuals, highlighting that relational satisfaction is not dependent on sexual orientation or gender identity within these structures.

🔹Challenging the Monogamy Superiority Myth – The study authors framed their work as a direct challenge to what they call the “monogamy-superiority myth,” which assumes monogamous relationships are naturally better, healthier, or more moral than non-monogamous ones.

Why Do These Findings Matter?

This challenges deep-seated cultural narratives that suggest non-monogamy is inherently unstable, immoral, or emotionally damaging. In reality, relationship satisfaction isn’t about structure - it’s about how partners communicate, connect, and meet each other’s needs.

People thrive in relationships where they feel safe, supported, respected, and able to be authentic. For some, monogamy provides the container that supports this. For others, non-monogamy provides a framework that aligns with their values, desires, and ways of loving.

When we zoom out from social conditioning and ask ourselves what actually makes a relationship fulfilling, it rarely boils down to whether it is monogamous or not.

Instead, it is shaped by:

✔ Emotional safety and trust
✔ Open and honest communication
✔ Mutual respect for autonomy and boundaries
✔ Shared values and agreements
✔ A commitment to navigate challenges collaboratively

So…Who is Happier?

The reality is - some people are happier with monogamy, and some are happier with non-monogamy. Relationship satisfaction is influenced by a blend of factors, including:

• Environment: Cultural norms, community support, stigma, and legal recognition.

• Genetics and biology: Research suggests biological diversity in attachment and desire patterns across humans.

• Attachment styles: How secure, anxious, or avoidant we feel in relationships can influence what structures feel safe.

• Personality: Factors like openness to experience, risk tolerance, and need for novelty or stability.

When people are supported to build relationships that truly work for them, everyone benefits. Monogamy, non-monogamy - the core is the same: creating connections that are ethical, intentional, and aligned with your authentic self and the people you choose to build with.

Good reflection questions:

• What assumptions do I hold about relationship structures and happiness?

• Where did I learn these beliefs?

• How do I define a “successful” relationship, and does that definition align with my current values and desires?

• What relational framework feels most authentic, supportive, and life-giving for me?

*These resources are shared for educational purposes only; they are not a substitute for treatment, and as is true with all research, there are limitations - we encourage you to do your own exploration and consider each source critically.

**For more literature and resources on relationships and ethical non-monogamy, visit our resources page:

Article Cited: 

Anderson, J. R., Hinton, J. D., Bondarchuk-McLaughlin, A., Rosa, S., Tan, K. J., & Moor, L. (2025). Countering the  monogamy-superiority myth: A meta-analysis of the differences in relationship satisfaction and sexual        satisfaction as a function of relationship orientation. The Journal of Sex Research, 1–13.              https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2025.2462988